It was the end of June 1998 when I joined IIT-Kanpur for my B.Tech Programme. During my first week, some seniors took a few of us to their hostel for a ragging session. They started making fun of us, trying to show off how cool they were. They even bragged about owning Penthouse and Debonair magazines they had bought during their internships abroad in the US and Hong Kong. I was so disappointed 😦.
Here were final-year students, the “cream of the crop,” but they were more excited about owning near-porn magazines than anything meaningful. Back when I was preparing for IIT, I imagined IITians building rockets or discovering new things that could take us to Mars. But instead, they were bragging about magazines! 😦.
A few days later, I explored the Central Library and was absolutely blown away. It was huge and had so many books. Coming from a middle-class family, books had always been a luxury for me.
In the beginning, I attended all my classes and even scored 10/10 in my first math quiz. But soon, my interest just fizzled out. I stopped going to classes, skipped quizzes, and even mid-semester exams 🙂.
That’s when I found the Computer Center (CC).
From then on, I practically lived between the CC and the Library. In the Library, I usually spent time in the Philosophy or Physics sections. During those months, I read many books on Philosophy and Physics. It was my friend and neighbor, Ashish Bhaskar, who introduced me to computers and Java. I was hooked. I spent the next few months exploring Java and even built my first website using Java Applets in 1998. The next month, Ashish and I learned shell programming, and with his help, we wrote a program that cracked over 70% of our friends’ passwords 😄 (it ran for two weeks!).
There was another library in the Student Activity Center (SAC), and the first book I checked out from there was Mein Kampf. I was briefly fascinated by Hitler’s life, but soon realized that politics wasn’t my thing.
It was around this time that I stumbled upon the topic of Artificial Intelligence (AI). The Central Library had an entire section dedicated to AI, and I remember the shelves lined with blue books. There was a series of 26 volumes. I started reading the first one, but I didn’t understand a thing. I finished the second one, but again, I couldn’t grasp it. I kept going, though, but halfway through the third volume, I realized maybe AI wasn’t for me 😄.
After that, I fully shifted my focus to Philosophy. I found Swami Vivekananda’s work, and the first book I read was Raja Yoga. It blew my mind. I became obsessed with getting the supernormal powers described in the book 🙂. I imagined myself slaying dragons with these powers, no joke.
Today, March 18th, 1999—I made the decision to drop out of college. I am sitting in the Central Library, moonlight streaming through the windows, reflecting on my life, and I decided to write a poem titled Odyssey’s Quest: A Journey Through the Crucible. It is my way of expressing the internal battle I am going through, knowing I am about to disappoint so many people by walking away from everything they expected of me.
Odyssey’s Quest: A Journey Through the Crucible
In the depths of my soul, a vow I’ve made,
To embrace the storm’s fury, though shadows cascade.
Deliberate, I step, into the tempest’s might,
Confronting challenges ahead, embracing the cold night.I’ll disappoint those who placed their trust,
And face the solitude, if I must.
Trading happiness, wealth, and fame’s bright flame,
For a path less trodden, void of acclaim’s acclaim.Risking it all for my odyssey’s quest,
In silence, a suppressed scream rests.
What reward awaits, when all is done,
Is it fame, fortune, or battles hard-won?Deep within, the answer I find,
In the fire of my spirit, in the depths of my mind.
For the treasure I seek is not in fame or gold,
But in the journey itself, as my story unfolds.I’ll evolve into one, both vulnerable and strong,
Facing death in awe, singing my own song.
In the crucible of sacrifice, my spirit will mold,
A soul unyielding, resilient, and pure gold.So let the trials come, let the challenges rise,
With unwavering resolve, I’ll meet them, eyes to eyes.
For what matters most, in the grand decree,
Is the person I become, and the soul that’s free.With wrinkles etched, tales of battles fought,
My gaze reveals wisdom, lessons deeply sought.
I’ll stand tall, unwavering, unswayed,
For from life’s crucible, I’ll emerge, steeled and arrayed.
It is a tough decision, but in the end, what mattered most to me isn’t fame, money, or success—it iss the journey itself and the person I would be becoming!!
LIFE 3H by Alok Gotam 